Welcome, 2018.

It feels kind of fitting that this is the last day of 2017. New Year’s Eve, and I’m feeling impatient and burned out, like I’ve felt for so much of this year. Nothing’s working today – our internet, the baby’s sleep schedule, even my latte was subpar. I burned the bacon and cut my hand on foil (???).  Break out the champagne – I need a new day and a new year.

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When I reflect on 2017, I can’t say that I knocked my goals out of the park. Twenty-seventeen was the year of parenting two under 3 and working full-time. That’s pretty much it.

And yet (because there’s always God’s goodness) –  there was our first house, and Judah’s first birthday. There were parties and dinners with friends, getaways and a gala.  We got to watch our boys grow. It was a yearlong season of trial and error and no sleep and long days. It was a year of beauty, and blessings, and also a very ordinary kind of hard.

Going into 2018, I’m not working on big milestones, but a day-to-day that’s aligned with my priorities and values. In past years, I’ve chosen a word to describe the theme for the year: intentional, present, creativity. This year, I’ve chosen a chapter: Proverbs 31, a vision for daily God-seeking, housekeeping, child-raising and working.

My goals for the first quarter of 2018 stem from my priority buckets: self-care, relationships, personal growth, resources, and work. I use a Day Designer, and I love that for each goal, there’s a section for monthly actions, a weekly routine, a daily habit, and what progress looks like. I’m ready to turn the corner into 2018, with lots of scaffolding via coaching, scheduling, and microactions. I’ve hired a sleep consultant, found house cleaning help, and signed up for a women’s study. I’ve penciled coffee dates with the hubs into my planner and financial check-ins. Baby steps. Progress, not perfection.

We’ve been sick for the better part of December, and off work for this last week. This time has been so crucial to helping us slow down, readjust our priorities, and remember what it’s like to have margin. I’ve really lowered the bar for myself these last few weeks, trading in “adventures” for hanging out at home, and big organizing projects for just one load of laundry. Even today, we had plans to go to Cortina’s for lasagna and tiramisu, and instead I made a weeknight bolognese, in my sweatpants, with leftover pecan pie for dessert. In many ways, these weeks have been the perfect transition to a new year. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned in 2017, it’s that simpler is so often better.

Tomorrow, we’ll have breakfast while watching the Rose Parade, a tradition for me ever since I was a little girl. In the afternoon, we’ll head to our favorite bed & breakfast, with a room overlooking the water. It’ll be our fourth year there, our annual family retreat starting off the new year with each other.

We were together. I forget the rest.
— Walt Whitman

Watercolor in 30 Days.

So I failed miserably at the Whole30 challenge. Clearly I've been lacking in the whole self-care department for months now. If not food, then maybe art?

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I pre-ordered Everyday Watercolor earlier this year, thinking it might help me turn around my creative dry spell. I mean, the only written words I've managed to eek out have been I'm so exhausted. And when every journal entry for weeks have started out that way, it's time for an injection of inspiration, ya know?

November, I'm coming at you with watercolors. I'm stocked up on supplies: cold-pressed paper, Princeton synthetic sable no. 2 brush, no. 6 brush, no. 16 brush, and a starter paint set. I have practice time scheduled (5 a.m. – it's fine) and my accountability partner, Instagram stories. If this isn't setting myself up for success, I don't know what is (#famouslastwords).

 

 

My Whole6.

I quit Whole30 on the morning of Day 7.

For six days, I stuck to the program religiously. (Enter the theological discussion of the letter v. the intent of the law).  Whole30 was the letter when my intention the whole time was discipline and healthy choices. I even tediously removed the flecks of quinoa that Dave accidentally had put on my greens bowl at Cava and stuck the coconut milk yogurt – marred by the iota of rice starch in its ingredient list – at the back of the fridge.

I felt progressively hangry and then, weak. It was hard lifting even 8-lb. dumbbells over my head in Orange Theory. I’m not talking feel-the-burn hard, I’m talking why-won’t-my-arms-hold-themselves-up-I’m-so-tired hard.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was me, being up at 3 a.m., emailing my doctor about issues with my body that I experienced that are TMI for the internet. At six, I went downstairs and ate a bowl of plain whole milk Greek yogurt with a handful of chia seeds and frozen berries (no added sugar, mind you). It was delicious. Then I ate a plain multigrain waffle which hit the spot – had sugar in it, but I’ve decided I’m ok with five out of twenty-five grams a day.

Later that morning, I had oatmeal (also banned), with unsweetened Milkadamia and topped with sliced banana and avocado. I brewed French press with the yummy (but, really, so good) Ecuador Estate Small Lot coffee from Trader Joe’s with a splash of cream. It was perfection. I’m talking happiness in a cup.

Do I feel like I’m missing out on the full benefits of completing the program? Kinda. Did I experience benefits? Some (more of this in another post). Was my body (still breastfeeding) going bonkers? Yes. So it feels 10% like failure and 90% like freedom. I’m not convinced that going without plain yogurt (probiotics → good gut bacteria) or whole grains is beneficial for me in the long run, or in the short-term.

 No sugar bingers, but not gonna lie, these look good.

No sugar bingers, but not gonna lie, these look good.

Is it a failure or win? I’m not really sure, but I’m leaning towards the latter. I still have a Whole30 compliant dinner planned, but before that, I fully plan on snacking on sesame crackers and a cheddar stick. ✌🏼

A Sabbatical of Sorts.

I’m taking a mini-sabbatical of sorts.

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I am so happy just thinking about it. This August: four weeks of baby bonding, summer splashing, coffee and play dates with my favorite mom friends. Four weeks of doing something creative during nap time, getting just a little bit more organized, and lounging on the couch. Four weeks of not rushing so much, therapeutic grocery store adventures, and playing with my babes.

These four weeks I will not be the bag lady.  The one toting a laptop, 2 lb. day planner, notebooks and a pumping bag and a lunch bag and a gym tote and, twice a week: a nap mat, a preschool basket, and a toddler lunch box. I will get to be less director, more snuggler. Less hustler, more volunteer. Less consumer, more creative. Less on-the-way-out-the-door listener, more present: wife, mother, daughter, friend.

Carrying my life on my shoulders, not two, not three, but five days a week has started to feel over the top. [Though to put it in perspective:  women all around the world do hard things. Things that are actually hard like deciding how best to protect their children in conflicts and crises, not first-world-problems hard.] I just need a little role calibration.

I’ve set some ambitious personal and professional goals for myself, but this month, I’m shooting for less work, more: re-learning discipline, practicing intentionality, exploring creative avenues, and looking after my family’s health and well-being.

Enter Whole30.

I’ve found it remarkably easy to fall into being lazy and unfocused while chalking it up to being a sleep-deprived mom of two with a full-time job and a generally full (in all the best ways) life. In the rush, I’ve drum up the bad habit of mindlessly consuming treats in all their forms: Starbucks double shots with cream too many afternoons, unnecessary Amazon purchases, cocktails with every dinner. I’ve been excessive.

So: simplification.

I have a hunch that adding discipline to our diet will bring us back to the basics with other parts of our lives, too.  And there’s no better time for that than now. Reset.

Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

The Nordstrom Anniversary sale is one of my biggest weaknesses. I added a billion things to my wish list during Early Access (I don't have a card at Nordstrom – too dangerous), and somehow managed to narrow down to a few things that I had been meaning to buy anyway (I tell myself): high-rise jeans with the raw hem that I loved on my favorite pair of maternity jeans, a packable but warm jacket for work trips to San Francisco, a set of chubby sticks because I am always misplacing my fancy lip balm, and Somme transport pads that came highly recommended by my sister. 

What I bought (with Dave's blessing, of course):

Here's what I didn't buy, but added to my wish list (FYI, my wish list was waaayy longer, but things have sold out so fast!):

So now that I'm plagued with consumerism, I'm done. Happy Friday!