Day by day

How I plan my day as a full-time working mom of three young kids

For months, I’ve spent the late hours of the day catching up. While my husband puts the kids to bed, I send emails I didn’t get a chance to earlier in the day. I jot down bullet points of thoughts because I can no longer think in complete sentences. I make lists combining my new list with all the cumulative lists that came before it.

I didn’t know it was possible to be this far behind, to carry your responsibilities from one day to the next, from one week to the next, from one month to the next, ad infinitum.

I didn’t expect to be hit so hard with my own limitations, laid bare without the mediators of extra help and a “normal” schedule. 

Texting with a friend, she said, “Half of the struggle is just figuring out what to spend my time on and what to prioritize.” 

When you’re drowning in to-dos, where do you even start?

What friends have told when I’ve asked how they’re doing in the midst of the pandemic, amidst the pains of racial injustice, as working moms juggling the impossible trifecta of full-time work, full-time childcare, and almost full-time household management is:

“We’re taking it day by day.”

Day by day.

Gratitude for this day (see Ps. 118:24) + recognition of our limitations (see Matt. 6:34, 2 Cor. 12:9) + actions of obedience (see Job 36:11, John 15:12-17) = contentment within the circumstances of today (see Phil. 4:11-13, Prov. 19:23).

Gratitude reminds us that today is a gift. Our limitations remind us that we are not God and gives us freedom from having to do it all. Abiding with obedience reminds us to make moves in love, here and now, however small.

May we be people of contentment over achievement and practice over perfect, starting with today.

START THE NIGHT BEFORE

I keep learning this lesson the hard way: there is no getting ahead without getting ahead. There is no shortcut to preparation. On the days that I don’t get up before my kids, I feel it – the subtle overwhelm of starting the day behind, in reactive mode rather than proactive.

Whether it’s the night before as part of your evening wind-down routine or first thing in the morning, take a couple minutes (it really does take only 2-3 minutes) to game plan for the day ahead. 

Review your calendar and write down the next day’s appointments. Write in when you plan to get up, what your workout will be and when, what meals (and snacks!)  you have planned for the day. Block off time to do focused work. Jot down what you imagine the day’s priorities to be – these can always be adjusted as needed. Then go to sleep – or –  if you are doing this in the morning, continue with your morning routine. I’ve found that I have renewed clarity about my day’s priorities after a good night’s sleep or after my quiet time + cold brew ritual.

PRACTICE OVER PERFECT

Habits are the anchors of my day. 

At the beginning of this, I decided on five foundational habits to track for the entirety of 2020. These are my daily practices:

• A practice of silence/solitude/stillness

• Bible study

• A workout

• 20 minutes of reading with my boys

• A writing session of 20 minutes or longer

Your practices will likely look different, based on the habits you want to create and the goals you have set for yourself. I’ve found that focusing on doing these five things consistently in this season has been the most grounding for me, so these have a special place at the top of the list.

TOP THREE PRIORITIES

Every day requires a calibration of priorities. Ideally, your top three priorities for the day are the tasks or projects that will have the most impact on moving your goals forward, but these can also be affected by deadlines or by priorities set by senior work leadership.

Don’t overthink these. You can always change them (and it’s especially easy when you’re using a digital planner page). Even the smallest progress can move your goals forward. 

THE & LIST

Start with a fresh list every day. 

Don’t roll over unfinished tasks from yesterday’s list just because they were on yesterday’s list – starting the day with a list that spans months of to-dos will instantaneously kill all momentum. Delete tasks deemed unnecessary and brain dump all the tasks that need to get done eventually but not necessarily today onto a different document/notebook/piece of paper. 

Keep your and list short, sweet, doable and relevant to today.

ABIDE

This is where I write my Bible study plans for the day. Even though it’s in the bottom corner of the page, I consider this the most important section of my plans – it’s impossible to go wrong with this time. If you are on a reading plan, write the day’s reading here. I’m currently working through Kelly Minter’s Nehemiah study and Joel Muddamalle’s Instagram study #AmosInAction, so I’m writing in “Session 1 and Amos Ch. 4.”

TOMORROW STARTS TODAY

I created this digital planning page (that’s also printable!) because I needed a way to organize my day that I could easily load onto my iPad (via GoodNotes) and bring with me when I travel. I wanted something simple, easy, and comprehensive. I wanted to capture in one place the interconnectedness of life – the work overlapping with play overlapping with how taking care of body, mind, and spirit.

At the end of the day, I think what most of us want is to be content with how we spent our time.

Fewer distractions. Less busy work. Less “catching up.”

More moments of feeling truly present. More play. More satisfaction in accomplishing exactly what we needed to do.

I’ve heard it said that we overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what we can do over months and years. James Clear puts it this way: “Intensity makes a good story. Consistency makes progress.”

We can still choose to take each day as a gift. Some days we’ll make the most of the day, other days, we’ll leave our to-do list untouched. That’s ok. We can keep starting fresh. We can keep resetting our intentions. We can refocus our eyes on new morning mercies. Day by day.

Dining Room Vision

There’s no time quite like the present (i.e. pandemic stay-at-home crisis) to do some home dreaming, amiright?

A few months ago, I started drawing up vision boards for our home but never got around to sharing them here. I envisioned a round table with black oak “Ruthie” chairs — traditional and coastal, with clean lines and a pop of brass. Hugh Forte’s beach photography is stunning, and I love investing in art whenever I can. The potted olive tree is fake, because let’s be honest, I have enough to keep alive with my kids; let’s not add plants into the mix.

When I found a Restoration Hardware vintage French fluted expandable dining table (the dinner parties!) on Facebook Marketplace in a black wash for $200, I scooped it up and revisited my design plan. I still love the contrast of black with white oak or a natural hardwood, and these chairs offset the curves of the table and add texture with the woven element on the seat. The chandelier feels clean and modern, balancing the vintage-ness and density of the black table with a lighter, minimal piece that carries the black all the way up visually.

However (isn’t there alway a “however”?), budget still dictates decor plans, and for one of the McGee Eloise chairs, I could buy three of these Target Project 62 chairs (as soon as they restock). I bought one that was in stock at a local Target to try it out, and I love how the curves of the chair mimic the curves of the table while still offsetting the ornate details with clean lines. Juniper Print Shop makes prints that can be framed in IKEA frames, and I could keep the large format art look with this and this.

Just like with fashion, I love mixing high-low elements — pricey pieces with more affordable ones. Right now our dining room (and most of our house) is a weird brown-beige, but I’m looking forward to fresh white walls and hopefully a quick restock of these chairs in order to “finish” our dining room.

In the meantime, I’m still dreaming. Living room, piano room, and entryway vision boards up next.

20 minutes in 2020.

The thought that I keep coming back to, over and over again in this season of my life is this: 

What would happen if we asked God to help us steward what we already have before we asked him for more?

Baby steps with my baby boy.

What if we culled through our time and committed an hour every single day to work on the thing that we believe He’s called us to? What if we committed 20 minutes? Or even two? What if we just showed up?

Since reading Atomic Habits, I’ve been thinking about the practice of breaking down a habit into components so small that it would be ridiculous to not take action. Do one push up. Open up a google doc and let your fingers linger over the keyboard without compelling them to write. Change into your workout clothes as soon as you get home from the office.

Take one tiny step over and over. Put in the reps. Remind yourself that you are a person who shows up. Then scale up from there.

We don’t have to go big or go home.

We can go small.

We can go so small that no one else would notice.

We can start with one single minute – of prayer, of brainstorming, of squats, of whatever.

And then we can repeat it, over and over again. We can repeat it until the neural pathway in our brain is established, until it’s part of who we are.

–

The other day my five-year-old asked me, “Why are days important?”

“Because days make up our lives,” I answered quickly. I really don’t know if that’s the answer he was looking for, but it’s the answer I’ve been living – breaking down life goals into fragments of time.

I’ll sit down in my office nook for a handful of minutes to type a few sentences or jot down reminders. I leave my Bible open so that when I walk by, I can read a few words. I’ll do squats in between playing tag with my boys and lunges as I chase them down the street in their scooters. I’m crazy about how I spend my time these days, because I’ve learned how each win can be broken down into several tiny actions that mean little on their own, but compounded add up to undeniable progress. 

The minutes matter because they make up the hours that make up the days. 

In 2020, I am practicing believing that I have the time that I need to accomplish what I am meant to do in a day. Using my minutes is a practice of choosing abundance over scarcity, get to over have to.

This year I’ve used the margins to write literally, too, in the white space of my Bible. I’m practicing believing that the tiny revelations add up. 

I’m practicing believing that there is a trajectory towards peace and wholeness that starts with the belief that there is nothing too small for God to use, no insight too insignificant, no amount of time too small.

–

For me, the magic number is 20. Long enough for me to feel focused and in the flow and unhurried and short enough to squeeze in between meetings or events. Twenty minutes is the sweet spot of being a long enough period of time to start being able to focus, to develop flow. Twenty minutes is a solid chunk, and do it three times on repeat, and you’ve got yourself an entire hour.  Twenty minutes is enough time, when stacked repeatedly, to start making visible progress. 

In 20 minutes, I can bike a little over 5 miles and run about 2. In 20 minutes, I can write about 500 words. I can read a few chapters of a book. I can prep an easy meal. I can play a game with my kids.

My husband and I play the game sometimes where we say, remember when? Remember when we used to go to the movies? Like on a weekday with no advanced planning? Remember when we used to take naps in the middle of a weekend afternoon? Remember how much time we had?

We did. We had so. much. free. time.

But – we still have time. 

(There’s a saying that if you want to get something done, ask a mother).

The limitations on our lives can make us hungry and scrappy, leading us to work harder and do more with less. Constraints force us to make trade-offs and the hard choice between the better and the best. Constraints force us to prioritize. Constraints force efficiency. 

Here’s what I’ve committed to in 2020, in 20 minute chunks of time (honestly though, some days it’s two minutes, and I still count it):

DAILY

• Centering prayer

• Morning quiet time & Bible study

• Reading, both my own books and reading out loud with the boys

• Working out (usually Peloton)

• Writing – journaling, blog posts, the occasional essay

WEEKLY

• A marriage “business meeting” to hammer out schedules and plan date night

• Making my to-do list for the week (letterpress notepads are my splurge)

• Planning meals and ordering groceries on Instacart

• Decluttering

MONTHLY

• Writing intentions (this free Intentional Living Worksheet from Day Designer is my go to!) and goal(s) for the month

• Counting the fruit and debriefing progress

We can go small, and we can go slow. 

It’s all progress.

January as Baseline.

SETTING BASELINE (PRACTICE STARTS HERE).

All the memes about January were true. January felt like it was 200 days long, and at the start of February, I got rocked by the flu and was completely out of commission for a weekend. 

So this is how I’m starting February: feeling both behind on the month and a little shocked that we’re only into the second month of 2020. When I finally got around to debriefing this past month, this is what I noted:

I practiced centering prayer 11 times, wrote for 20 minute sessions or longer for 14 days, read with the boys for 20 minutes or longer for 15 days, did 17 workouts on the Peloton or outside, and had 23 morning quiet times. Honestly, my immediate response was to be bummed out by those numbers. The goal was to hit 31 for each of those five habits, and I fell short.

Then I thought, this is baseline.

Outside of Peloton, which tracks your streaks for you, I had never actually tracked any of these particular habits. This was baseline – the starting point from which you compare your progress – and the exciting thing about baseline is that usually, it’s all up from there.

I click with pretty much everything James Clear writes, but I especially resonated with his statement: “Consistency develops ability.” Or, said by Gretchen Rubin: “What we do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.” 

I’m working on it.

The good news is that there are still eleven months left in this year, starting with February. January was baseline, and there’s still room for practice and progress.

We get to try again.

PERSPECTIVES (BOOKS, PODCASTS, POSTS)

Books – I read three books: Loveology; Dance, Stand, Run; and The Family Upstairs. 

Loveology by John Mark Comer is the best book on marriage I’ve read so far. He connects the purpose of marriage with work and calling in a compelling way, and both his presentation and coverage feels very millenial, in a good way.

Podcasts – My first favorite was the Fight Hustle, End Hurry ten-podcast series. John Mark Comer’s explanations of the spiritual disciplines made total sense to me. For the past weekends of the year, our family has been practicing Sabbath (and I’ve added a digital Sabbath), and now I’m so much more sensitive and aware of when I’m not giving people I love my full attention. 

The second podcast favorite was the She Reads Truth episode “Rivals & Restoration” about Jacob and Rachel and Leah. I think sometimes we glaze over the drama of the Old Testament as arcane or exceptional, and we forget that what makes us human hasn’t changed, and the character of God hasn’t changed either.

Posts – James Clear’s Habit Guide is the cliff notes version of Atomic Habits. Both have been hugely helpful for me, as I work on my goals for this year. For February, I’m working on “never missing twice.”

Speaking of never missing twice, the 29-Day Challenge pictured in this post can be downloaded from Austin Kleon’s post, here. 

(This blog post contains affiliate links, so if you do purchase Atomic Habits or another book mentioned, I’ll receive an itty bitty commission).

2020 Vision.

This is the year of 2020 vision.

Blowing out the candles on 32 / 2019.

Five months ago, when I was unpacking the boxes in our garage after we moved to our new home this year, I found a worksheet that I filled out in 2013.

The worksheet was called Your Ideal Day, and it listed out prompts like describe your morning routine and what does your environment look like?

You should know that when I filled it out, I was still living in Shanghai. I had a master’s degree but no job. We had no idea where we were going to live when we returned home. We had no savings and weren’t even close to buying a house. It was before I got pregnant for the first time.

I wrote the vision when I had no money, no job, no prospects, no home.

And yet – that piece of paper that I completely forgot I had – described almost exactly the life that I live now, down to our master bedroom balcony and the East-West positioning of our Spanish-style house so that we can watch the sunset as we cook dinner in the kitchen and eat a meal in the backyard. 

I don’t know why some dreams come true and others die, but I do believe there’s something about writing down the vision that propels us forward in faith. I don’t believe that we can strive or hustle our way to anywhere we want to go, but I do believe that we were made in the image of a Creator who used words to speak life, and we can use words to speak life over ourselves, too. I don’t believe that we can snap our fingers and get everything we ask for, but I think we can ask for fresh glimpses of God’s goodness and His hand in making a way where there is none.

As Ruth Chou Simons puts it: “We can’t go where we have no vision.”

For the last few months, I’ve been asking God for a new vision for 2020 and the decade ahead. My word for 2019 was light. And it’s light that led me to practice – the action that follows hearing (see: Matthew 7:24, James 1:22), the means of progress, the way of becoming. Practice – my word for 2020.

I see this year as a year of starting small and looking insignificant, which when you’re a 3 on the Enneagram is a hard pill to swallow. I have a feeling that this year, like the last, is going to be humbling and unglamourous. For all the flashiness of a new decade, I think obedience for us is going to look like living simply, slowing down our pace, saying no to the good so that we can say yes to the best, and fighting to practice habits and spiritual disciplines on a daily basis.

We started with Sabbath, but this ethos has rolled out into other parts of our lives, too – earlier bedtimes, fewer shopping trips, quieter mornings. I’m excited to see how we’ll experience God this year, and I’m excited to see how this lifestyle shift will prepare us for the years ahead.

If you have a word for 2020 or a vision for the new year, I’d love to read it in the comments below.