A birthday collection of 35 lessons and favorite things

I turned 35 last month, and in the spirit of reflecting on the past year, I made a (long) list: 34 lessons and favorites/recommendations with one word to grow on.

Looking back … and looking ahead.

1. Lululemon Align leggings. These were the MVPs of 2021. In the spring of 2021, I left my full-time job/career to pursue new dreams and be more present for my boys, trading in business casual for a uniform of … athleisure. These leggings are my go-to day-to-day wear. If you ever see me in jeans on a weekday, it’s because I have a meeting that didn’t happen on Zoom.

2. Outdoor time. This was the year we joined the SUP club! We’re embracing the SoCal lifestyle and being more intentional about our outdoor time: at the mountains, on the trails, and in the ocean, all of it.

First surf lesson!

3. Minimalism. This book by Shira Gill is motivating me to make all the edits to our personal living space. A goal I had for 2021 was to completely organize and declutter our home, and we didn’t quite get there. One of my goal’s for the first 12 weeks of 2022 (see below) is to get completely organized—finances, belongings, business. Part of reaching this goal means buying a whole lot less (I’m considering buy days, where I only buy/shop on those designated days to reduce impulse spending/transactions to categorize) and using what we already have a whole lot more.

4. The 12 Week Year. The Go & Tell Gals team introduced me to this book via their newsletter, and I’m all over it. One thing that did not work for me last year was having too many big goals that weren’t realistic given my time (read: too many volunteer commitments, not enough childcare). This year, I’ve condensed, focused, and limited my goals to *hopefully* make more progress. I’ve also scheduled goal-free weeks and sabbatical time (the entire month of December).

5. PowerSheets. I use these alongside a day planner, and I love having the extra dedicated space to reflect, count the fruit, and keep track of habits. And of course I bought all the accessories—matching washi tape! stickers! All the planner products bring me so much joy, I can’t help it. P.s. they are all super discounted right now!

6. Charcuterie. Charcuterie boards blew up in 2021! I’m sure it’s a trend that will fizzle out eventually, but who knows? It’s hard to go wrong with meats, cheeses, and rosemary crackers. 

Dave’s birthday charcuterie board (i.e. our entire kitchen island).

7. Target gift card sales. I’ve learned this past year that it makes me so much happier to give gifts rather than buy things for myself, so when Target has their 10% off gift cards sales (usually November/December), my hubs and I swoop up the limit ($500 each), and they go a long way for birthdays, teacher gifts, etc.

8. Peloton. I know, it’s cliche. But I love having the workout option. I LOVE that I can track my minutes spent on it annually (shooting for 4,000 this year), and I love having the option to work out with friends (hello, Tues/Thurs 5 am club!). I’ve also been hopping on the bike while I listen to audio books (this one had me gripping the handlebars).

9. Birthday trips. For the last two years, the hubs and I have gone up to the Russian River Valley for the weekend of/before my birthday, and it’s been the best, most soul-replenishing retreat. This year, we stayed in downtown Healdsburg, walked to great restaurants and coffee right outside our hotel door, perused art galleries and stopped at the cutest baby shop to shop for a friend. We even went hiking before hopping on the quick flight back home. While we’re gone, the kids have the time of their life with Grandma (they still talk about it), so it’s a win-win.

10. I learned how to install a stair runner! I meant to write a blog post on this, make a reel, but then I semi-quit social media and got busy with real life, so we’ll just skip to the final product. Voila!

11. Sleep vitamins. I think the tryptophan in these gummies might be the magic ingredient that knocks me out. Or maybe it’s the “proprietary sleep blend.” Whatever it is, it works. Taking these vitamins is an official part of my bedtime routine.

12. All the notebooks. I can’t help it with the paper products—I just love them. I start the day with this prayer journal. I use this Rifle Paper Co. for Target spiral notebook for book notes and a Sugar Paper notebook (thick paper, classic cover) for longer-form notes for essays, blog posts, etc. I bought a set of these bullet journal notebooks for my weekly plans, a la the 12 Week Year.

13. This set of Le Pens is everything. I’ve color-coded the crap out of all my aforementioned notebooks. Hands down, Le Pens are the best colored pens out there. (I’m planning to share more about my color-coding system in my newsletter — sign up here, and I’ll send your a free digital planner page, too!)

14. I could probably do a whole post on how I’ve been slowly updating (and upgrading) my skincare routine, but a couple favorites that I now have on subscription are from Beautycounter: the goldilocks of moisturizers and the creamiest of eye creams.

15. This hanging toiletry bag (in medium) has worked so well on all our overnighters and weekend getaways this past year. We have a couple of bigger vacations planned for this year, and I think this bag will work just as well, even holding full-size bottles!

16. Another MVP of the latter half of 2021: this North Face pullover. It’s cropped and cozy and pairs well with my Align pants. What more can a girl ask for?

17. Bible study time. I’ve really appreciated Jen Wilkin’s and Kelly Minter’s studies this past year and look forward to finishing the Better study and starting the Encountering God book (on spiritual disciplines!). Working through studies with a clear weekly/daily structure works well for my personality.

18. Joining the Coffee + Crumbs team has truly been one of the unexpected blessings of this year. I love these women and being, as my sister says, “a creative at heart.”

19. My writing group/mastermind. Jodie, Simone, and now Neidy are some of my favorite people, and our calls every month bring me so much joy. I’ve learned so much from each of them.

20. Coffee all day, everyday. Preferably in this tumbler that goes with me from desk to car to kitchen island counter.

21. Elise Joy’s goal tracker is my jam. I’m working on being—as Ashlee and Katie put it—in “good writing shape.” I wish there was a training plan I could follow for that (“couch to book proposal in 10 weeks”??) even though I think each session would have the same directive: butt in chair; write. Last year, I made really outcome-oriented goals, and this year, I’m making the goal just putting in the time, even when the outcomes are not things that other people can see.

22. Crochet projects! I love me a project, and especially crochet because stitch by stitch, you can see your progress. (It’s the perfect hobby for a 3, IMO.) This past year, I made a velvet pig for my niece, a doll set with an entire wardrobe for my goddaughter and am currently working on a blanket for my bestie. These projects have brought me so much joy, and I can’t wait to take on more this next year.

23. I’m committed to growing creatively this next year and learning as much as I can about interior design (and other good things on Masterclass). We stayed at the Proper Hotel in Santa Monica this past July, so I have a fresh appreciation for Kelly Wearstler and her design perspective.

24. Our local library. My favorite rhythm that we established this past year has been walking with my younger two boys to the library on Tuesday/Thursday mornings. Being out in the sunshine, appreciating nature, and also getting new books to read is a triple-win in my book.

25. Start with the easiest thing; start at the easiest place. I’m learning to remind myself constantly: it doesn’t have to be hard. I used to think until I “ate the frog” (i.e. did the hardest part of the project), I couldn’t work on anything else. Now, I know that when I’m feeling daunted, I should start with the easiest possible next task: wipe down the counter, log onto the website, label the donations box, open the spreadsheet. I can build my focus/flow by just taking the smallest next right step.

26. Classical music while cleaning. I finally bought a good bluetooth speaker because Alexa just does not work for me, and I’ve been playing music so much more. Classical and worship music in the morning sets a calm tone for the rest of the day (and with three boys, our house gets crazy enough!).

27. Two date nights a month. 2020 was hard on our marriage. I was managing a full-time job, three kids doing school at home, and doing the majority of the housework and maintenance. I finally reached my tipping point at the beginning of 2021, and we implemented some changes. Mainly: one, an ideal week schedule that designated shared parenting responsibilities and blocked out my personal time, and two, standing date nights on the calendar. We try one weeknight out a month with grandparent help and one marriage matters event. Now that my youngest is three, I’m excited to add Parents Night Out (via the YMCA) to the rotation and breakfast dates during school hours.

28. Keeping track of dreams come true. The practice of regularly remembering all the things I’ve dreamed of that I now have (a white, Spanish-style house with arched doorways and natural light; a personal library of books; my very own trio of boys; a writing group … ) reorients my perspective to gratitude and reminds me of God’s faithfulness.

29. Focus. After leaving my job, I committed to several (too many) volunteer positions. Lately, there hasn’t been a single evening where I haven’t had a meeting, an event or family plans. After tracking my time, I’m recognizing that it’s not really the amount of time that I’m spending on each of these commitments that’s costing me—it’s having to switch, several times a day, between so many different roles and responsibilities. The opportunity cost of diverting energy to too many commitments is my ability to do deep work. In this next year, my goal is to keep the family plans, work, and creativity and drop almost everything else.

30. Noise-canceling headphones. I use this over-the-ears pair when I’m working and/or writing because it’s a visual cue to the kids to not interrupt me and AirPods for outdoor walks/runs or listening to a book in bed.

31. 5 a.m. time. This early morning time is a necessity in my life. There is no other quiet time in our house with three little boys (and I wouldn’t change that). Deep work has become glaringly important to me in the last year, but so has simple “being” time.

32. Semi-quitting social media. I feel like I can’t fully engage in two different worlds at the same time. I’ve made so many friends on social media, so I don’t hate it, but also, I’ve reached (or maybe recognized?) my limit this past year on how deep I can go in my own thought process and longer-form work while also maintaining the short-form, frequent engagement that social media requires. Anne Bogel recently wrote about how when life gets busy, she gets quiet on social media, and that’s the same for me, too.

33. My fanny pack. I wear this all day every day and have even convinced a couple friends to jump on the bandwagon. My keys and wallet stay in the bag at all times, and because the bag stays attached to me, I don’t worry about forgetting it at the park or grocery store.

34. Last year, I followed Katie Walter’s example and asked the Holy Spirit for a birthday gift. I asked for joy and—looking back on my camera roll and journal entries—I can see how joy-filled this last year actually was. This year, I’ve asked the Holy Spirit for love: the kind of love that sees someone as they really are and accepts them. The kind of love that requires lots of margin and the ability to slow down, to fully inhabit the present moment. The kind of love that requires less doing and more being. The kind of love embodied in this new year’s benediction.

35. A word to grow on (my word for this year): fruitful. I have an obsession with all things (meyer) lemon. My parents have the most bountiful meyer lemon tree in their backyard, so meyer lemons forever symbolize abundance and fruitfulness in my mind. My prayer this year is for fruit, to see some of the proverbial seeds that I’ve planted actually grow.

That’s it, friends! Just a very long list to ease my way back into the blogosphere (I’m shooting to publish 12 posts this year). If you create your own list, will you link to it in the comments? I’d love to read.

20 minutes in 2020.

The thought that I keep coming back to, over and over again in this season of my life is this: 

What would happen if we asked God to help us steward what we already have before we asked him for more?

Baby steps with my baby boy.

What if we culled through our time and committed an hour every single day to work on the thing that we believe He’s called us to? What if we committed 20 minutes? Or even two? What if we just showed up?

Since reading Atomic Habits, I’ve been thinking about the practice of breaking down a habit into components so small that it would be ridiculous to not take action. Do one push up. Open up a google doc and let your fingers linger over the keyboard without compelling them to write. Change into your workout clothes as soon as you get home from the office.

Take one tiny step over and over. Put in the reps. Remind yourself that you are a person who shows up. Then scale up from there.

We don’t have to go big or go home.

We can go small.

We can go so small that no one else would notice.

We can start with one single minute – of prayer, of brainstorming, of squats, of whatever.

And then we can repeat it, over and over again. We can repeat it until the neural pathway in our brain is established, until it’s part of who we are.

–

The other day my five-year-old asked me, “Why are days important?”

“Because days make up our lives,” I answered quickly. I really don’t know if that’s the answer he was looking for, but it’s the answer I’ve been living – breaking down life goals into fragments of time.

I’ll sit down in my office nook for a handful of minutes to type a few sentences or jot down reminders. I leave my Bible open so that when I walk by, I can read a few words. I’ll do squats in between playing tag with my boys and lunges as I chase them down the street in their scooters. I’m crazy about how I spend my time these days, because I’ve learned how each win can be broken down into several tiny actions that mean little on their own, but compounded add up to undeniable progress. 

The minutes matter because they make up the hours that make up the days. 

In 2020, I am practicing believing that I have the time that I need to accomplish what I am meant to do in a day. Using my minutes is a practice of choosing abundance over scarcity, get to over have to.

This year I’ve used the margins to write literally, too, in the white space of my Bible. I’m practicing believing that the tiny revelations add up. 

I’m practicing believing that there is a trajectory towards peace and wholeness that starts with the belief that there is nothing too small for God to use, no insight too insignificant, no amount of time too small.

–

For me, the magic number is 20. Long enough for me to feel focused and in the flow and unhurried and short enough to squeeze in between meetings or events. Twenty minutes is the sweet spot of being a long enough period of time to start being able to focus, to develop flow. Twenty minutes is a solid chunk, and do it three times on repeat, and you’ve got yourself an entire hour.  Twenty minutes is enough time, when stacked repeatedly, to start making visible progress. 

In 20 minutes, I can bike a little over 5 miles and run about 2. In 20 minutes, I can write about 500 words. I can read a few chapters of a book. I can prep an easy meal. I can play a game with my kids.

My husband and I play the game sometimes where we say, remember when? Remember when we used to go to the movies? Like on a weekday with no advanced planning? Remember when we used to take naps in the middle of a weekend afternoon? Remember how much time we had?

We did. We had so. much. free. time.

But – we still have time. 

(There’s a saying that if you want to get something done, ask a mother).

The limitations on our lives can make us hungry and scrappy, leading us to work harder and do more with less. Constraints force us to make trade-offs and the hard choice between the better and the best. Constraints force us to prioritize. Constraints force efficiency. 

Here’s what I’ve committed to in 2020, in 20 minute chunks of time (honestly though, some days it’s two minutes, and I still count it):

DAILY

• Centering prayer

• Morning quiet time & Bible study

• Reading, both my own books and reading out loud with the boys

• Working out (usually Peloton)

• Writing – journaling, blog posts, the occasional essay

WEEKLY

• A marriage “business meeting” to hammer out schedules and plan date night

• Making my to-do list for the week (letterpress notepads are my splurge)

• Planning meals and ordering groceries on Instacart

• Decluttering

MONTHLY

• Writing intentions (this free Intentional Living Worksheet from Day Designer is my go to!) and goal(s) for the month

• Counting the fruit and debriefing progress

We can go small, and we can go slow. 

It’s all progress.

January as Baseline.

SETTING BASELINE (PRACTICE STARTS HERE).

All the memes about January were true. January felt like it was 200 days long, and at the start of February, I got rocked by the flu and was completely out of commission for a weekend. 

So this is how I’m starting February: feeling both behind on the month and a little shocked that we’re only into the second month of 2020. When I finally got around to debriefing this past month, this is what I noted:

I practiced centering prayer 11 times, wrote for 20 minute sessions or longer for 14 days, read with the boys for 20 minutes or longer for 15 days, did 17 workouts on the Peloton or outside, and had 23 morning quiet times. Honestly, my immediate response was to be bummed out by those numbers. The goal was to hit 31 for each of those five habits, and I fell short.

Then I thought, this is baseline.

Outside of Peloton, which tracks your streaks for you, I had never actually tracked any of these particular habits. This was baseline – the starting point from which you compare your progress – and the exciting thing about baseline is that usually, it’s all up from there.

I click with pretty much everything James Clear writes, but I especially resonated with his statement: “Consistency develops ability.” Or, said by Gretchen Rubin: “What we do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.” 

I’m working on it.

The good news is that there are still eleven months left in this year, starting with February. January was baseline, and there’s still room for practice and progress.

We get to try again.

PERSPECTIVES (BOOKS, PODCASTS, POSTS)

Books – I read three books: Loveology; Dance, Stand, Run; and The Family Upstairs. 

Loveology by John Mark Comer is the best book on marriage I’ve read so far. He connects the purpose of marriage with work and calling in a compelling way, and both his presentation and coverage feels very millenial, in a good way.

Podcasts – My first favorite was the Fight Hustle, End Hurry ten-podcast series. John Mark Comer’s explanations of the spiritual disciplines made total sense to me. For the past weekends of the year, our family has been practicing Sabbath (and I’ve added a digital Sabbath), and now I’m so much more sensitive and aware of when I’m not giving people I love my full attention. 

The second podcast favorite was the She Reads Truth episode “Rivals & Restoration” about Jacob and Rachel and Leah. I think sometimes we glaze over the drama of the Old Testament as arcane or exceptional, and we forget that what makes us human hasn’t changed, and the character of God hasn’t changed either.

Posts – James Clear’s Habit Guide is the cliff notes version of Atomic Habits. Both have been hugely helpful for me, as I work on my goals for this year. For February, I’m working on “never missing twice.”

Speaking of never missing twice, the 29-Day Challenge pictured in this post can be downloaded from Austin Kleon’s post, here. 

(This blog post contains affiliate links, so if you do purchase Atomic Habits or another book mentioned, I’ll receive an itty bitty commission).

2020 Vision.

This is the year of 2020 vision.

Blowing out the candles on 32 / 2019.

Five months ago, when I was unpacking the boxes in our garage after we moved to our new home this year, I found a worksheet that I filled out in 2013.

The worksheet was called Your Ideal Day, and it listed out prompts like describe your morning routine and what does your environment look like?

You should know that when I filled it out, I was still living in Shanghai. I had a master’s degree but no job. We had no idea where we were going to live when we returned home. We had no savings and weren’t even close to buying a house. It was before I got pregnant for the first time.

I wrote the vision when I had no money, no job, no prospects, no home.

And yet – that piece of paper that I completely forgot I had – described almost exactly the life that I live now, down to our master bedroom balcony and the East-West positioning of our Spanish-style house so that we can watch the sunset as we cook dinner in the kitchen and eat a meal in the backyard. 

I don’t know why some dreams come true and others die, but I do believe there’s something about writing down the vision that propels us forward in faith. I don’t believe that we can strive or hustle our way to anywhere we want to go, but I do believe that we were made in the image of a Creator who used words to speak life, and we can use words to speak life over ourselves, too. I don’t believe that we can snap our fingers and get everything we ask for, but I think we can ask for fresh glimpses of God’s goodness and His hand in making a way where there is none.

As Ruth Chou Simons puts it: “We can’t go where we have no vision.”

For the last few months, I’ve been asking God for a new vision for 2020 and the decade ahead. My word for 2019 was light. And it’s light that led me to practice – the action that follows hearing (see: Matthew 7:24, James 1:22), the means of progress, the way of becoming. Practice – my word for 2020.

I see this year as a year of starting small and looking insignificant, which when you’re a 3 on the Enneagram is a hard pill to swallow. I have a feeling that this year, like the last, is going to be humbling and unglamourous. For all the flashiness of a new decade, I think obedience for us is going to look like living simply, slowing down our pace, saying no to the good so that we can say yes to the best, and fighting to practice habits and spiritual disciplines on a daily basis.

We started with Sabbath, but this ethos has rolled out into other parts of our lives, too – earlier bedtimes, fewer shopping trips, quieter mornings. I’m excited to see how we’ll experience God this year, and I’m excited to see how this lifestyle shift will prepare us for the years ahead.

If you have a word for 2020 or a vision for the new year, I’d love to read it in the comments below.