to the man who bought our espresso machine.

It’s a Delonghi dual coffee and espresso maker for $30. We think that’s a pretty good deal.

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When you came, we thought it was completely fine that you asked if we had coffee beans and a grinder, so you could try out the machine and make yourself a cup of espresso. But then you didn’t actually know how to use the machine and took half an hour trying to learn how.

Meanwhile, you asked if we were selling anything else. Yes, we said, a French press. “What is it made of?” Glass. Husband pulls it out of the cabinet. “Oh no, you can’t put that it the microwave.” One doesn’t typically put a French press in the microwave…

You finally made the espresso and then asked for milk because you couldn’t drink the espresso by itself. Um, wasn’t this just to see if the machine worked?

And then you asked for a to-go cup. To which husband replied, “No, we don’t have to-go cups. We’re not a restaurant.”

So we gave you a mug. You asked for a bigger mug.

You filled the cup with milk, poured in the espresso, and said “I guess this tastes like coffee.” Sir, what else is it supposed to taste like? And then you added, “It tastes like a regular drip.” Well, that may be because you made the espresso “light” and then proceeded to drown it with milk.

You asked for a lower price. We said no. Then you took all the parts and wrapped them up individually in bags before you left.

So to the man who bought our espresso machine, we would really, really like it if you or anyone like you, never purchased anything from us ever again. You had husband believing the whole time that we were being punked.

Thank you, Craigslist, for yet another wonderful gem of an experience.