A birthday collection of 35 lessons and favorite things

I turned 35 last month, and in the spirit of reflecting on the past year, I made a (long) list: 34 lessons and favorites/recommendations with one word to grow on.

Looking back … and looking ahead.

1. Lululemon Align leggings. These were the MVPs of 2021. In the spring of 2021, I left my full-time job/career to pursue new dreams and be more present for my boys, trading in business casual for a uniform of … athleisure. These leggings are my go-to day-to-day wear. If you ever see me in jeans on a weekday, it’s because I have a meeting that didn’t happen on Zoom.

2. Outdoor time. This was the year we joined the SUP club! We’re embracing the SoCal lifestyle and being more intentional about our outdoor time: at the mountains, on the trails, and in the ocean, all of it.

First surf lesson!

3. Minimalism. This book by Shira Gill is motivating me to make all the edits to our personal living space. A goal I had for 2021 was to completely organize and declutter our home, and we didn’t quite get there. One of my goal’s for the first 12 weeks of 2022 (see below) is to get completely organized—finances, belongings, business. Part of reaching this goal means buying a whole lot less (I’m considering buy days, where I only buy/shop on those designated days to reduce impulse spending/transactions to categorize) and using what we already have a whole lot more.

4. The 12 Week Year. The Go & Tell Gals team introduced me to this book via their newsletter, and I’m all over it. One thing that did not work for me last year was having too many big goals that weren’t realistic given my time (read: too many volunteer commitments, not enough childcare). This year, I’ve condensed, focused, and limited my goals to *hopefully* make more progress. I’ve also scheduled goal-free weeks and sabbatical time (the entire month of December).

5. PowerSheets. I use these alongside a day planner, and I love having the extra dedicated space to reflect, count the fruit, and keep track of habits. And of course I bought all the accessories—matching washi tape! stickers! All the planner products bring me so much joy, I can’t help it. P.s. they are all super discounted right now!

6. Charcuterie. Charcuterie boards blew up in 2021! I’m sure it’s a trend that will fizzle out eventually, but who knows? It’s hard to go wrong with meats, cheeses, and rosemary crackers. 

Dave’s birthday charcuterie board (i.e. our entire kitchen island).

7. Target gift card sales. I’ve learned this past year that it makes me so much happier to give gifts rather than buy things for myself, so when Target has their 10% off gift cards sales (usually November/December), my hubs and I swoop up the limit ($500 each), and they go a long way for birthdays, teacher gifts, etc.

8. Peloton. I know, it’s cliche. But I love having the workout option. I LOVE that I can track my minutes spent on it annually (shooting for 4,000 this year), and I love having the option to work out with friends (hello, Tues/Thurs 5 am club!). I’ve also been hopping on the bike while I listen to audio books (this one had me gripping the handlebars).

9. Birthday trips. For the last two years, the hubs and I have gone up to the Russian River Valley for the weekend of/before my birthday, and it’s been the best, most soul-replenishing retreat. This year, we stayed in downtown Healdsburg, walked to great restaurants and coffee right outside our hotel door, perused art galleries and stopped at the cutest baby shop to shop for a friend. We even went hiking before hopping on the quick flight back home. While we’re gone, the kids have the time of their life with Grandma (they still talk about it), so it’s a win-win.

10. I learned how to install a stair runner! I meant to write a blog post on this, make a reel, but then I semi-quit social media and got busy with real life, so we’ll just skip to the final product. Voila!

11. Sleep vitamins. I think the tryptophan in these gummies might be the magic ingredient that knocks me out. Or maybe it’s the “proprietary sleep blend.” Whatever it is, it works. Taking these vitamins is an official part of my bedtime routine.

12. All the notebooks. I can’t help it with the paper products—I just love them. I start the day with this prayer journal. I use this Rifle Paper Co. for Target spiral notebook for book notes and a Sugar Paper notebook (thick paper, classic cover) for longer-form notes for essays, blog posts, etc. I bought a set of these bullet journal notebooks for my weekly plans, a la the 12 Week Year.

13. This set of Le Pens is everything. I’ve color-coded the crap out of all my aforementioned notebooks. Hands down, Le Pens are the best colored pens out there. (I’m planning to share more about my color-coding system in my newsletter — sign up here, and I’ll send your a free digital planner page, too!)

14. I could probably do a whole post on how I’ve been slowly updating (and upgrading) my skincare routine, but a couple favorites that I now have on subscription are from Beautycounter: the goldilocks of moisturizers and the creamiest of eye creams.

15. This hanging toiletry bag (in medium) has worked so well on all our overnighters and weekend getaways this past year. We have a couple of bigger vacations planned for this year, and I think this bag will work just as well, even holding full-size bottles!

16. Another MVP of the latter half of 2021: this North Face pullover. It’s cropped and cozy and pairs well with my Align pants. What more can a girl ask for?

17. Bible study time. I’ve really appreciated Jen Wilkin’s and Kelly Minter’s studies this past year and look forward to finishing the Better study and starting the Encountering God book (on spiritual disciplines!). Working through studies with a clear weekly/daily structure works well for my personality.

18. Joining the Coffee + Crumbs team has truly been one of the unexpected blessings of this year. I love these women and being, as my sister says, “a creative at heart.”

19. My writing group/mastermind. Jodie, Simone, and now Neidy are some of my favorite people, and our calls every month bring me so much joy. I’ve learned so much from each of them.

20. Coffee all day, everyday. Preferably in this tumbler that goes with me from desk to car to kitchen island counter.

21. Elise Joy’s goal tracker is my jam. I’m working on being—as Ashlee and Katie put it—in “good writing shape.” I wish there was a training plan I could follow for that (“couch to book proposal in 10 weeks”??) even though I think each session would have the same directive: butt in chair; write. Last year, I made really outcome-oriented goals, and this year, I’m making the goal just putting in the time, even when the outcomes are not things that other people can see.

22. Crochet projects! I love me a project, and especially crochet because stitch by stitch, you can see your progress. (It’s the perfect hobby for a 3, IMO.) This past year, I made a velvet pig for my niece, a doll set with an entire wardrobe for my goddaughter and am currently working on a blanket for my bestie. These projects have brought me so much joy, and I can’t wait to take on more this next year.

23. I’m committed to growing creatively this next year and learning as much as I can about interior design (and other good things on Masterclass). We stayed at the Proper Hotel in Santa Monica this past July, so I have a fresh appreciation for Kelly Wearstler and her design perspective.

24. Our local library. My favorite rhythm that we established this past year has been walking with my younger two boys to the library on Tuesday/Thursday mornings. Being out in the sunshine, appreciating nature, and also getting new books to read is a triple-win in my book.

25. Start with the easiest thing; start at the easiest place. I’m learning to remind myself constantly: it doesn’t have to be hard. I used to think until I “ate the frog” (i.e. did the hardest part of the project), I couldn’t work on anything else. Now, I know that when I’m feeling daunted, I should start with the easiest possible next task: wipe down the counter, log onto the website, label the donations box, open the spreadsheet. I can build my focus/flow by just taking the smallest next right step.

26. Classical music while cleaning. I finally bought a good bluetooth speaker because Alexa just does not work for me, and I’ve been playing music so much more. Classical and worship music in the morning sets a calm tone for the rest of the day (and with three boys, our house gets crazy enough!).

27. Two date nights a month. 2020 was hard on our marriage. I was managing a full-time job, three kids doing school at home, and doing the majority of the housework and maintenance. I finally reached my tipping point at the beginning of 2021, and we implemented some changes. Mainly: one, an ideal week schedule that designated shared parenting responsibilities and blocked out my personal time, and two, standing date nights on the calendar. We try one weeknight out a month with grandparent help and one marriage matters event. Now that my youngest is three, I’m excited to add Parents Night Out (via the YMCA) to the rotation and breakfast dates during school hours.

28. Keeping track of dreams come true. The practice of regularly remembering all the things I’ve dreamed of that I now have (a white, Spanish-style house with arched doorways and natural light; a personal library of books; my very own trio of boys; a writing group … ) reorients my perspective to gratitude and reminds me of God’s faithfulness.

29. Focus. After leaving my job, I committed to several (too many) volunteer positions. Lately, there hasn’t been a single evening where I haven’t had a meeting, an event or family plans. After tracking my time, I’m recognizing that it’s not really the amount of time that I’m spending on each of these commitments that’s costing me—it’s having to switch, several times a day, between so many different roles and responsibilities. The opportunity cost of diverting energy to too many commitments is my ability to do deep work. In this next year, my goal is to keep the family plans, work, and creativity and drop almost everything else.

30. Noise-canceling headphones. I use this over-the-ears pair when I’m working and/or writing because it’s a visual cue to the kids to not interrupt me and AirPods for outdoor walks/runs or listening to a book in bed.

31. 5 a.m. time. This early morning time is a necessity in my life. There is no other quiet time in our house with three little boys (and I wouldn’t change that). Deep work has become glaringly important to me in the last year, but so has simple “being” time.

32. Semi-quitting social media. I feel like I can’t fully engage in two different worlds at the same time. I’ve made so many friends on social media, so I don’t hate it, but also, I’ve reached (or maybe recognized?) my limit this past year on how deep I can go in my own thought process and longer-form work while also maintaining the short-form, frequent engagement that social media requires. Anne Bogel recently wrote about how when life gets busy, she gets quiet on social media, and that’s the same for me, too.

33. My fanny pack. I wear this all day every day and have even convinced a couple friends to jump on the bandwagon. My keys and wallet stay in the bag at all times, and because the bag stays attached to me, I don’t worry about forgetting it at the park or grocery store.

34. Last year, I followed Katie Walter’s example and asked the Holy Spirit for a birthday gift. I asked for joy and—looking back on my camera roll and journal entries—I can see how joy-filled this last year actually was. This year, I’ve asked the Holy Spirit for love: the kind of love that sees someone as they really are and accepts them. The kind of love that requires lots of margin and the ability to slow down, to fully inhabit the present moment. The kind of love that requires less doing and more being. The kind of love embodied in this new year’s benediction.

35. A word to grow on (my word for this year): fruitful. I have an obsession with all things (meyer) lemon. My parents have the most bountiful meyer lemon tree in their backyard, so meyer lemons forever symbolize abundance and fruitfulness in my mind. My prayer this year is for fruit, to see some of the proverbial seeds that I’ve planted actually grow.

That’s it, friends! Just a very long list to ease my way back into the blogosphere (I’m shooting to publish 12 posts this year). If you create your own list, will you link to it in the comments? I’d love to read.

Notes From Sabbatical

Four years ago, I took a mini-sabbatical for the first time.

That sabbatical lasted four weeks, just like the sabbatical I’m currently wrapping up this month. Tenured academics get sabbaticals and so do some church and nonprofit leaders, but this sabbatical was one of my own making—not occurring in any sort of formalized capacity. It was mostly unpaid time off, a belated use of my allotted baby bonding time.

Since that August in 2017, it’s been a dream of mine to do work that would allow me to take one full month off every year. I’ve dreamed about spending a month on a house on the lake or a month at a farmhouse set on acres of wide-open land in Oregon Pinot Noir wine country. Maybe a month in coastal Spain. Mostly though, I’ve dreamed about having protected time to rest, read as much as I want, reflect, and relax with my kids.

So when I joined the Coffee + Crumbs team in June, it was a happy bonus to get an actual sabbatical.

This past month, I slept in, read juicy rom-coms and psychological thrillers, beach bummed with my crew, and checked items off our summer bucket list. I took naps, binged watched High Seas and largely stayed off social media.

We’re shifting into a new season now, with the quicker back-to-school pace replacing the rambling summer tempo, but I’ve learned a few lessons from sabbatical this time around.

PROTECT SLEEP

I need a lot of it… more time than I wish I could get by on. While summer nights had me heading to bed later (and sleeping in the next morning), the hours I need have roughly remained the same (around 9 hours, if you’re wondering). I have a sleep mask, bedtime lotion, silky pj’s and a wind-down routine that is an hour long, and I absolutely need all of those things for a good night’s sleep, plus the A/C set to 69°. This was a priority over sabbatical and will remain one into the busy fall ahead.

TITHE MY TIME

After reading Ordering Your Private World (highly recommend for sabbatical or sabbath), I realized that I need a large block of time each day to pray, study, reflect and write, and ideally—I need that block of time first thing in the morning.

I call this my power hour, and I think of it like tithing, but with time.

Because my brain wakes up so much quicker than my body does, giving myself time first thing in the morning to process ideas, practice prayer, read my Bible and get organized for the day feels absolutely necessary.

For the first half of sabbatical, we were still in slow-start mode because my kids didn’t have to be at camp until nine. Some days I would miss this time—going from sleeping straight into the activities of the day—and I paid for it mentally and emotionally. I felt out of sorts, like I jumped into a CrossFit competition without any sort of training or warm-up. 

When I start the day in the quiet—free from inputs, distractions, and noise—I feel more like myself, more enthusiastic about my day, more present in my day, and more able to roll with the punches. My 5 a.m. glass of cold brew with whole milk and a spoonful of brown sugar helps, too.

Go ON DATE NIGHTs

Something about the combination of long, summer nights; slower (for me) workdays; and extra time home with the kids made going out for date nights feel more doable. Sabbatical allowed for a restful month which lead to a more restful relationship. The pressure was off this month to work on our marriage, so we ended up having more fun. Biweekly date nights are on the calendar for the rest of the year.

WEEKNIGHTS ARE FOR FUN, TOO

On a whim one Tuesday, we went to the movies for the first time in a long time. I reserved seats in the afternoon, and after dinner we headed to the theater down the street to watch the Jungle Cruise. We brought our son’s friend with us, and his mom stocked us with candy. Each kid had their own cushy recliner seat in the middle of the theater with their own tray of extra buttered popcorn and box of Sour Patch Kids, their eyes transfixed on the screen, arms elbow deep in popcorn. I wasn’t bored. I wasn’t distracted. There was no where else I would rather be. This fall, I want to hold space for things like spontaneous movie nights or weeknight trips to Dave & Buster’s. I want to be fully present for play and not just for work.

CLEAN HOUSE, CALMER LIFE

Midway through July, in preparation for our annual family gathering aka Cousin Camp 2021, I deep-cleaned and decluttered the pretty much the entire house. My sister told me that my house looked like a model home, and it made me smile for days because I worked so dang hard for two straight weeks getting the house in order. When sabbatical rolled around in August, I felt like I could rest I wasn’t constantly tripping over clutter and broken toys. I didn’t have to spend energy having to figure out where to put things. I just had to execute in maintenance mode. Less energy spent managing my physical space meant more energy for playing and projects.

IT IS YOU THAT HOLDS US TOGETHER

The first half of sabbatical for me felt like I imagined it would—full of rest, a wide open calendar, possibility. The second half of sabbatical, in the busyness of my older boys started school, the chaos of a half-done exterior paint project, and the start of fall activities, it started to feel that sabbatical was starting to reveal what was broken. It revealed my anger when circumstances weren’t what I expected them to be. It revealed my frustration at my long list of unfinished projects and my propensity to rely on my own capacity. Sabbatical reminded me of the song that I’ve had on repeat this summer is Hold Us Together by H.E.R. and Tauren Wells:

You're the keeper, protector
It is You that holds us together
When everything else fails us
It is You that holds us together

Finding the Magic in the Mess.

It was April of 2020 when the peripheral pressures of the pandemic with its stay-at-home orders, distance learning, and perpetual fear-stoking news cycle finally did me in. Simultaneously—weeks of rain that kept us indoors.

After exhausting three other activities in the span of ten minutes, I asked my boys, “do you want to paint?”

Pre-pandemic Ruthie would have set easels up outside, with smocks, and individual paint cups.

Pandemic Ruthie taped together flattened cardboard boxes from Amazon subscribe & save deliveries until they covered the living room floor. Pandemic Ruthie filled muffin trays full of paint and didn’t bat an eye when stray color ended up on the white walls.

I didn’t even realize how tightly wound I had become. How freeing it felt to swirl globs of paint around on cardboard. How satisfying it was to make a mess.

The art was for them, but it was also for me. 

How many times have I thought that getting unstuck was about being more tidy, more pulled together, more curated when actually it was making a mess that reminded me to enjoy the process and hold the outcome loosely.

The boundaries of cardboard became our safe space to lean into the chaos, and in the mess we found the magic: Playfulness. Joy. Wonder. Freedom.

By grace, we’re not stuck.

Make a mess to release your creativity. Lay down perfect. Pick up playful.

Make a mess to find beauty in an unexpected place. Lay down expectations. Pick up wonder.

Make a mess as part of moving forward. Lay down control. Pick up freedom.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in this series "Make A Mess".

Rule of Three for Styling an Entry

For many homes, the entryway is the first space you see after walking in your front door or the last space you see before walking out. This space acts as both a drop zone and the first look at your home—it needs to be functional, and ideally, it’s pretty, too! While there are myriad ways to decorate an entry, I’ll share what worked for me.

Start with Three Foundational Pieces

Foundational piece #1: A console table or bench

The space that acts as our entryway is to the left of our stairs, to the right of our hallway closet and faces the dining room. Because the hallway that separates it from the dining room is not wide, I knew that we couldn’t go with bulky or deep furniture that would interfere with the walking space. I toyed with the idea of going with a bench as a sitting area to put on shoes, but decided that the kids could use the stairs for that and instead chose a narrow console table.

Questions to ask yourself: What do you have room for? What’s the best use of the space—as a sit-down drop zone or an upright one? Do you need extra storage in this space?

Foundational piece #2: A mirror or statement art piece

The wall behind the console table was large and empty, so I knew I could go big here. Since I already have a gridded gallery wall of family photos in our living area and an art gallery wall in our piano room, I decided on a large mirror.

A mirror acts to both visually enlarge the area and serve as a “last look” space to check your makeup before you run out the door, so it’s pretty and practical. If you already have a mirror in a different space, a statement art piece is another great option.

Foundational piece #3: A basket, tray or low bowl

I am a basket queen. I use them everywhere in the house to corral toys, shoes, mail, keys, and other small items. A basket serves as a catchall to throw in keys, sunglasses or a wallet as you are coming in the door, and a tray or low, decorative bowl could do the same. I also have a larger basket next to the console table for guests to place their shoes as they come in.

Think in Three Visual Layers

A Statement Layer

The statement layer is the top third to top half of your entryway wall space. This is the space taken up by your mirror or art piece. You might choose to install a sconce above your mirror or flanking either side—as a way to add additional sources of light if you need it.

A Shelf Layer

This is the linear space where your basket or tray and decorative items—vases, lamps, smaller leaning art pieces, stacked books, candles— will live. Mix in tall, vertical elements like vases or lamps to add balance to the space.

A Grounding Layer

This is the bottom third to the bottom half of the space that visually grounds the vignette. Literal heavy and visually weighty items go here. If you have a bottom shelf to your console table like I do, make sure you choose items with height so you aren’t left with a blank gap between the bottom shelf and where your drawers begin.

Layer in Three Elements

I love incorporating books and framed photographs wherever I can in a room, but there are three other elements that I try to keep in every vignette—

A Pop of Black

I recently learned that there’s a reason why designers incorporate black into spaces—because it keeps your eye moving. But I’ve always loved incorporating black because it adds a layer of contrast that’s visually interesting, and it manages to be both a neutral and the opposite of a neutral at the same time.

Something Woven

Incorporating something woven gives texture and dimension to a space. It’s one of the reasons I keep all sorts of baskets on hand. You can also incorporate texture by incorporating vases or lamps with subtle lines or grids.

Greenery

Greenery, fake or real, adds an element of freshness. We pick up greenery from our local farmers’ market every Sunday.

By dividing a space into elements and layers, it becomes easier to take a phased approach to decorating. Start by gathering your foundational pieces, decorate by layer, then add finishing touches.

Surf Shack 

The Kinfolk Home

Console Table

Frame (also comes in a walnut!)

Mirror

Baskets and shoe basket

Candle

Please Remove Shoes Sign

*some items are affiliate linked and some are non-affiliate linked. If you choose to purchase an item, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.

The Edit: Pink Things.

Remember those early days of blogging when Canva didn’t exist, and we had to pull together mood boards using Photoshop? It took me hours of learning to navigate layers and “tools.” Still, I loved being able to pull together a board of my favorite things at the moment, and I still do. 

This January, I’m in the mood for pink.

A pale pink dip manicure. Rose gold metals. Opaque pink plastics. I love all of it. And as a mom to three boys, I feel somewhat entitled to a few extra pink things in my life.

The edit for this month:

West Elm Finley Swivel Office Chair. This chair was a splurge for me, but I couldn’t shake how perfect the combination of pink grapefruit velvet and brass is for my little office nook. It would have been more practical (and easier on our budget) if I had purchased this chair from Article instead, but each vignette deserves a splurge piece. 

Macbook Air in Gold. I set aside part of my paycheck last summer to buy myself a new laptop, just for writing and creative pursuits, and I don’t regret it at all. I believe in investing in yourself in tangible ways whenever possible.

Spiritual Gangster Breath Crop Tank Top. Like many moms now working remotely, my new uniform is athleisure. I’ve been loving tank tops by Spiritual Gangster lately, especially this one, because practice was my word for 2020 and a mantra of sorts for this decade.

Gouache Paint Set.  I’m a huge fan of Anna Bond, not only her art but also how she’s built her company from the ground up, taking on collaborations strategically. This paint set is on my wish list. I don’t really have time for another hobby, but I love the idea of learning to paint with gouache a la Rifle Paper Co. I submitted stationary designs to Minted years ago, and someday I’d love to try my hand at that again.

Lascoota Scooter in Antique Pink. My friend Ashlee wrote about pink scooters in her last newsletter, and I was influenced. I clicked add to cart immediately. I’m an enneagram 3 who is great at work, but not at play. The vision of riding around at golden hour with my boys gave me shivers of joy.

Pink storage trays. Pink is my signature color, and I find a way to incorporate it into every room. I love seeing pops of pink in my drawers and cabinets. Of course, organization is always a goal at the beginning of the year, too.

This post contains affiliate links, so that I’ll earn a small commission should you choose to purchase through the link, at no additional cost to you. As always, I only recommend what I use or love.